


Everything Becomes A Queen Song In The End

by butterflysandbullets



Category: MorMor - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 05:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4336202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflysandbullets/pseuds/butterflysandbullets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little interlude of how Sebastian dealt with missing Jim in the inbetween time after Eton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Becomes A Queen Song In The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little quick ficlet of how Sebastian dealt with the time between the phone call and how Queen songs rule.   
> (It was just a little something that came to me when I was listening to Queen a few weeks ago and the seed was planted.)
> 
> As always, please don't forget to leave comments and join us in our universe!
> 
> butterflysandbullets.tumblr.com  
> proftigermoran.tumblr.com  
> samjournalentires.tumblr.com  
> thecatsidhemoriarty.tumblr.com

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNsEEvRMtGI>

 

After a year of being basically in a posh prison, I was finally free. My father couldn’t control my life at Oxford any more than he could control the rain or the sun. And one of the first things I did with this new found freedom was to begin to find Jim. I promised him that I would find a way to come to him again and I wasn’t sure about how to do so.

I had every intention on my next long weekend of flying to Dublin, to at least… I wasn’t sure what. But I knew the name of the hospital where he was a year ago and I was going to go there and see what I could find out. The hospital had yet to respond to any of my letters and I was more than frustrated at that. And in my frustration I began to feel was quickly turning into a bone melting depression. I couldn’t find one person.

I was laying on the sofa, the remote for my cd player in my hand. I was repeatedly listening to one song that I had found while listening to the full album. My roommate Jake walked into our suite and took one look at me and shook his head. “Thousands of people at this school and I get saddled with the only teenage girl on the crew team.” he muttered as he turned the volume down to an audible level. “Queen? Really?” he said as he stood in front of me, daring me to turn the volume up again.

“It’s classic.” I said. I didn’t turn the volume up again, but I did hit repeat, letting Freddie’s soft words come out of the speakers anew. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before walking into his room and slamming the door shut.

It was hour three when I had succumbed to temptation and finished the majority of the bottle of vodka I had hidden in my desk. I was now drunk, depressed and singing along with the boys. “Love of my life, you’ve hurt me.” I crooned. Jake came back from getting dinner and snatched the remote from my hand, placing it on the table. He looked at the bottle of air and grabbed my hand that was trying to reach the remote.

“For fucks sake, Basher. Enough. To bed. Things will be better in the morning.”

“No!” I cried. “No… I’ve lost the love of my life. Nothing will ever be better.” I tried to move away, but I was too drunk to do so and nearly fell flat on my face as a result. Jake shook his head and heaved me into my bedroom.

“Really Sebastian. It will all be fine. Just for my sake, stop with the damn song. I can’t take it anymore.” he said as he flopped me onto my bed.

“You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me….” I sang, terribly off key and out of sync. “ Love of my life, can’t you see? Bring it back… bring it back… don’t take…. hey, Jakie?” I asked, suddenly stopping my song.

“What?” he said rubbing his hand over his face.

“Why… why did he leave me? Why did they take him away?” I nearly sobbed. Drunk and depressed I didn’t do well.

“You’ll find him again if it was meant to be, Bas. Now, really, just give it up and go to sleep.” He said, before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

I must have passed out for a while, because when I opened my eyes again, it was darker than it had been and the good part of my buzz was gone. Now I just had the sad, weepy part left.

I got up from my bed and stripped out of my clothes. I grabbed my walkman and headphones, slipped in my cassette and lay back down on my bed, lighting a cigarette before I hit play.

Freddie Mercury’s voice came through the ear pieces and my heart felt as if it had finally found it’s words.

“Because you don’t know… what it means to me.” he sang. No. No one understood what Jim meant to me. It was more than a one time crush. A one night stand. It was so much more than that. Jim was so much more to me. He was nothing like I had ever experienced before.

I found myself curling into  a ball, both physically and mentally, the words of the wonderful piece washing over me, making me sadder as I sunk further into my despair.

“You will remember when this is blown over, and everything’s all by the way. When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you, how I still love you.” Seb’s breath hitched at this thought. Could he find Jim and grow old with him? Even just to tell him once more that he loved him would be a balm for his torn soul.

By the time the light of dawn came filtered into my window, my pillow was wet and my batteries were dead. There was going to be no more music until I got new ones or went out to listen to it on the stereo again. But Jake wasn’t going to be happy with that.

I pulled on my trainers and some clothes, deciding that taking a run down the river bank was one of the best things I could do for myself. Maybe it would help with the despair I was feeling and maybe I would be able to think about the paper for my economics class that I needed to write.

After that run, my life became a series of existing through days, one bleeding into the next, nothing standing out, nothing pulling me back. I was able to ration out my music for a bit, hoping only to listen to it when I was about to sleep for the night, praying for dreams of Jim. It was the only time I got to see him.

Two weeks later, I was sitting on the sofa, reading a rather boring passage I needed to understand in my history textbook, when Jake came back from his class. He dropped down on the sofa next to me and put his head back against the cushion.

“Can I ask you something?” he said as his eyes stared at the ceiling and it’s boring white wash.

“Sure.” I answered, with much trepidation. Jake wasn’t one to tread carefully when it came to information, so I was concerned about him asking me to ask me a question.

“What happened to Queen’s greatest hits?” I laughed.

“Ah. Don’t need to listen to that song, if the love of my life is here with me.” I shrugged a bit.

“Guess not.” he said. I nodded. I had found my Jim, the love of my life again.

I hadn’t listened to Queen again seriously for a long time. It was years to be honest. And of course it was that song again, when I came back to them.

Sabrina, my darling twin sister is the one who found me lying on the floor in the sitting room of the flat Jim and I shared. The room was dark, the floor littered with broken glass, empty bottles and various empty boxes. In one hand I had the remote for the extreme stereo system that Jim insisted we have and in the other, my Glock. I had been on a bender for five days at that point. Drugs. Booze. And the fucking Queen song. On repeat. Over and over and over again. I couldn’t get enough of it. Jim had been dead for seven days when I was sitting in a hospital detox unit working out the intoxicants in my system. I was in bad shape. And it wasn’t just the detox. I had fallen into a deep depression. I had lost Jim again. And Freddie Mercury had sung me to oblivion. Over and over again.

I made it through the worst of the time without Jim. I hadn’t listened to Queen again until… until the night he came back to me. I had been listening to it when I decided to make my driver take me out to score. I was going to overdose that night. My trigger? I had been working in my office, listening to something on my iPod when the song changed. It only took the first couple of notes to send my eyes wide, my heart into a panic and my brain into overdrive.

“Hurry back, hurry back, please bring it back home to me. Because you don’t know, what it means to me. Love of my life, love of my life…..” The last lines of the song faded out and I was out my door and down to the car before I knew it.

I came back to the flat to find that Jim was standing in the kitchen, looking as smug as he could be. And after I punched him and after I kissed him, and after I got sick…. the next day I broke my Queen cd and feed it into the paper shredder. I never wanted to hear that song again. I knew that if for any reason I ever lost Jim again that I would be…. I wouldn’t need to listen to the song. I would be right behind him. I would lose myself in the void of darkness.

Last week my daughter and I were in a vintage record store. It’s one of many things we have in common. We love to look at old vinyl and try to find rare things that are just fantastic to listen too. She pulled out something, clutching it to her chest, she went up to the counter and asked the young man behind it to play it for her. My breath hitched in my throat and my heart stopped. It only took a few notes to bring back all the despair and depression. I left the store and pulled my phone out of my pocket. My fingers shook as I dialed the number I knew better than my own. It took no time for him to pick up. His voice was lazy as if I had awoken him from a nap and I might have. I didn’t care at the moment.

“Jim, tell me you love me. That… tell me you are at the flat. That you are safe. That you are real.” I asked, my voice a bit more frantic than I realized. I could hear his movements through the phone as he sat on the edge of where ever he was. I knew that knew something was wrong.

I had never told him about the song. I had… never admitted it.

“Tiger, I’m fine. I’m on our bed. In our flat. I haven’t gone anywhere. Where are you? What happened?” he asked, his voice calm and rational like it always was when I was frantic.

“Out with Bri. I…. It’s nothing. Just had a funny feeling from… it’s nothing. We’ll be home soon.” I said, my composure coming back to me in a steady drip. I could hear his nod and his sigh at the fact I wasn’t telling him everything.

“I love you magpie.” I said, my hand tightening on the phone. “You know you are the love of my life, right?”

“I love you too Tiger. I’ll always be by your side to remind you how much I love you.” he said. I shook my head. There was no way he knew. But then again… he is Jim.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
